Content Warning: self-harm, eating disorders, sexual assault, and suicide
At age 6, you will learn to turn to food to be nurtured
At age 12, you will pick up something sharp for the first time
Age age 13, you will begin to fantasize your death
At age 15, you will have your firsts taken away by someone who doesn't deserve to love you
At age 16, you will become addicted to the feeling of your fingers in your throat
At age 18, you will become obsessed with the feeling of your stomach cramping after taking "magical weight loss" pills (laxatives)
At age 19, you will attempt to take your life for the first time
At age 20 and 21, you will be in eating disorder treatment fighting for your life.
At age 22, you will be discovering parts of your authentic self that you never thought existed.
Realizing that I can be genuinely funny without self-deprecating humor
is like trying to breath underwater.
The foreign feeling floods my body just like the water will flood my lungs.
It hurts really bad; it's excruciating.
Coming to terms with the fact that my body is truly the least interesting thing about me is also foreign.
I still had good friends at a higher weight.
I need to stop destroying my body to make myself feel adequate.
I have always been enough.
It's time that I hold onto the reins of the horse that symbolizes my life and learn to ride the waves that the ocean throws at me.
Nothing is impossible,
Not even self-compassion, recovery, and hopefulness.
This journey of self-discovery comes with so much hurt and pain
However, it also comes with so much joy and pride.
To my inner child, we are almost there.
We are almost back to being our authentic selves.
Hold on, my dear. It is going to be a wild ride.